Friends that are girls
One of the things that I've found interesting about the blogsphere is how much we all have in common. In some cases, the only thing that really separates us is geography. For example, a fellow blogger recently posted this entry, and I find that a similar situation has surfaced (or resurfaced) tonight.
A- and I have been friends for at least five years now, and it's cool like that. We can hang out and have a good time, no problems. Part of the solid foundation for our friendship is that we know a romantic relationship would never work out. She's a great friend and all, but not what I'm looking for in a girlfriend. All the same, I'm not what she's looking for.
But that's all started to change recently, partly thanks to B-, A-'s mother. For a while now, B-'s been hinting that I should be laying my game on her daughter. A- and I know that it's just a bad idea, so we've not taken it seriously.
However, I've been getting the feeling that A- is starting to change her tune. Everyone knows that I'm pretty serious about working out (sometimes up to two hours a day, though at least half of it is cardio), and A- recently started working out. She has also been "joking" about moving with me when I head out west this summer. Not to mention there's been many seemingly innocent comments about finding me a local girlfriend to keep me from moving.
Tonight was really odd, though. My tendency is to give a "hello hug" to my female friends. You know, the hug that's not too long as to be creepy, but not too short as to be insincere. I went to hang out with A- tonight and she kind of "drew out" the hello hug. We were hanging out with some other people watching some TV, and I noticed her giving me looks out of the corner of my eye. Finally, she came up with some excuse for me to run my fingers through her hair (Something like, "I went swimming at the university pool today, see how smooth my hair is from the chlorine).
Ok, now I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy who thinks all women have a thing for me. In fact, I figure that the industry standard is that women don't have a thing for me. Perhaps back in grade school, when they separated the boys and girls for that "talk", part of the girls' talk involves showing them a picture of me and saying, "This is Brota, you don't want this guy...really."
So, I'm not that guy. And I really don't think I'm reading too much into this. Unfortunately, my normal tactic of diffusing these situations probably won't work in this case. If it was just some woman I met at a party or wherever, I could just keep it casual, act like I'm not interested, and the situation is resolved. But this is the first time it's happened with a friend. I mean, I've been acting like I'm not interested all along. If I were to act any less interested, it would likely involve not hanging out with her. I don't want to screw up the friendship, though, as she is one of the few friends I have left that will stay out past 9.
The thing with the hair does have me thinking. What the hell is up with lap pools still using chlorine? They can't shell out a couple extra bucks for Baquacil to keep the swimmers' skin from crawling?
A- and I have been friends for at least five years now, and it's cool like that. We can hang out and have a good time, no problems. Part of the solid foundation for our friendship is that we know a romantic relationship would never work out. She's a great friend and all, but not what I'm looking for in a girlfriend. All the same, I'm not what she's looking for.
But that's all started to change recently, partly thanks to B-, A-'s mother. For a while now, B-'s been hinting that I should be laying my game on her daughter. A- and I know that it's just a bad idea, so we've not taken it seriously.
However, I've been getting the feeling that A- is starting to change her tune. Everyone knows that I'm pretty serious about working out (sometimes up to two hours a day, though at least half of it is cardio), and A- recently started working out. She has also been "joking" about moving with me when I head out west this summer. Not to mention there's been many seemingly innocent comments about finding me a local girlfriend to keep me from moving.
Tonight was really odd, though. My tendency is to give a "hello hug" to my female friends. You know, the hug that's not too long as to be creepy, but not too short as to be insincere. I went to hang out with A- tonight and she kind of "drew out" the hello hug. We were hanging out with some other people watching some TV, and I noticed her giving me looks out of the corner of my eye. Finally, she came up with some excuse for me to run my fingers through her hair (Something like, "I went swimming at the university pool today, see how smooth my hair is from the chlorine).
Ok, now I'm not that guy. I'm not that guy who thinks all women have a thing for me. In fact, I figure that the industry standard is that women don't have a thing for me. Perhaps back in grade school, when they separated the boys and girls for that "talk", part of the girls' talk involves showing them a picture of me and saying, "This is Brota, you don't want this guy...really."
So, I'm not that guy. And I really don't think I'm reading too much into this. Unfortunately, my normal tactic of diffusing these situations probably won't work in this case. If it was just some woman I met at a party or wherever, I could just keep it casual, act like I'm not interested, and the situation is resolved. But this is the first time it's happened with a friend. I mean, I've been acting like I'm not interested all along. If I were to act any less interested, it would likely involve not hanging out with her. I don't want to screw up the friendship, though, as she is one of the few friends I have left that will stay out past 9.
The thing with the hair does have me thinking. What the hell is up with lap pools still using chlorine? They can't shell out a couple extra bucks for Baquacil to keep the swimmers' skin from crawling?
posted by Bad Habit Brota at 10:28 PM
6 Comments:
I find blatant flirting a little embarrassing. What A- may or may not be doing is "be very friendly and charming and if he reacts, then great. If not, then I can always go back to pretending I was just being friendly." Low risk fishing. That's the only kind of flirting I'd feel comfortable doing.
I believe that she has a thing for you. Women generally don't ask a man, any man, to touch them unless they like them (more than friends.)
I'm with DB. she likes you. balls in your court.
(hey nice to see another ct blogger. thanks for stopping by today)
Yeah, I'm definitely not interested in a relationship with her. I just don't want to screw up the friendship.
Her actions lead me to believe that she does want more than a friendship from you. Sometimes we expect men to be mind readers, especially if we think they should make the first move, etc, but when there is a friendship in the midst of it, it's often hard for the person to make their intention known.
I think the dilemma you've got is that you don't share her feelings yet you wish to retain the friendship. I don't think keeping your distance will help, it will give her mixed messages.
I'm here via Chicky's blog and seeing your comment and link.
It's obvious she is interested in you although it's not clear how much like if she's testing the waters due to pressure from her mother, but that's hard for me to digest because I'm independent. Still, as a woman, I totally agree that her drawing out the hug and asking you to touch her hair are blatant signs.
To retain the friendship, before she embarrasses herself with even more blatant flirting, I suggest talking to her privately and in a comfortable setting with no one around so she doesn't feel even more rejected at the time. If I were you, I'd be straight to the point and say you noticed changes in her behaviour that make you feel uncomfortable because you value her so very much as a friend.
Yes, it may sting for her to hear the "friend" words, but it hopefully will reinforce how much you DO like and value her before she may feel "undesirable" by going to far in making plays for you. I would not ask her, "do you love me or are you falling for me or anything that pins her to the wall other than mentioning the hug and hair straighforwardly."
Even if all signs show otherwise, like if she blushes or whatever, accept if she denies feelings. That way, she can save face if she chooses, and you both can retain the friendship. IF she does profess interest, hopefully, you can retain the friendship also. Good friends are gems. Good luck.
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